Communication Skills 101

by Steven Kessler, MFT, EFT Expert

www.EFTTherapyCenter.com

Asking for what you want

     - only 1 issue at a time
     - be specific and personal
     - say what behavior you want them to do
     - end with “Would you do that for me?”


Talking

     - state facts
     - state your personal feelings
     - use ‘I statements’
          no ‘you statements’
          no blaming
          no attacks
          no name-calling
          no interpretations of the other person’s actions


Listening

     - invite them to tell you about it
     - clarify by asking questions
     - restate what they said, ending with “is that right?”

     Do not discount their feelings. This is their experience.
     For the moment, put aside agreeing or disagreeing.
     Your purpose is to understand and show that you understand.
     Feeling understood will calm your partner’s anger and fear.

for a PDF of Communication Skills 101, click here